NOTE: Usage of real names have been replaced with in-game handles. If you’d like to know more about us, check out the DYRM Clan page – links are on the right/top right.
Getting to the Sydney Gamers League 5.0 was an absolute mission for Clan DYRM. Despite the chaos (or perhaps because of it), hilarity ensued. Hope you enjoy this recount of what it took for us to get to SGL.
It started off so badly.
Harli had it planned so well too. It was obvious that they couldn’t make the Counterstrike: Source tournament – clan member Maltesers had work and wouldn’t be able to make the start time.
So Harli had risen early with plenty of time to get ready. She started up her PC, meticulously cleaned its exterior, and had begun patching her games when it happened.
The internet died.
Almost immediately, a text message from teammate KaiZelpher arrived, “MY NET IS DOWN, CAN’T UPDATE LAPTOP. Can’t register for the comp either, can you register for me please”
She sighed irritably. They were on the same ISP. She texted back, saying that Snifu’s net would most likely be working and that he could do it.
Then Snifu rang, announcing that Maltesers had called in sick to work (cough) and that they could make the CS:S tournament after all.
“Danze and I are on ventrilo. Come online and we can talk about it,” Snifu instructed.
“I can’t. The net is down for KaiZelpher and I. Tell Danze…”
And so the conversation proceeded, with Snifu awkwardly relaying messages between Harli on the phone and Danze on the ventrilo server. A plan was being drawn up. The tournament was to start in one hour. Maltesers lived half an hour away. Harli’s internet was still down.
“I can’t get the car today. KaiZelpher will have to pick us up,” Snifu told her. Harli said she would tell Kai this, and rang him to let him know.
She resumed packing her gear, a little rushed. The interior cleaning would have to be done at another time. Then KaiZelpher rang.
“Snifu’s not picking up! I can’t register! My net’s still down, I can’t update my laptop. It hasn’t been updated in three months man!”
Trying to stem the initial panic, she breathed. “He’s probably in the shower. Call him in 10 minutes. We still have time – the net could come back up at any moment”
A quick glance at the modem revealed that the internet still wasn’t working. Rain started to pour down. Then Danze rang.
“I’m going to pick up Maltesers now. We’re going straight to the venue, will probably get there just on time – register for us and we’ll meet you there”
“Do you even know where it is?” She asked doubtfully.
“Dude, I went to Macquarie Uni” Danze said, as if to state the obvious.
Maltesers lived a good half an hour drive away. The tournament would start in an hour. Thirty minutes to go and KaiZelpher, her ride, was still nowhere to be seen. It was a good thing she could take her PC apart with her eyes closed; her mind was elsewhere as she habitually began unplugging the cables.
Even if they made it on time, they still hadn’t had a chance to practice Counterstrike: Source. The best they’d had was a runaround-the-map session with half the clan present.
If there was anything Harli hated, it was losing because of no prep.
KaiZelpher’s car pulled into her driveway. The weather wasn’t looking any better, with rain pouring down harder than ever. She grabbed an umbrella, her peripheral gear and bolted out the front door, screaming “Open the boot!” as she shielded her precious inventory from the onslaught of rain.
The large box tucked into the back seat was a surprise.
“I had to bring my PC instead of the laptop. That’s why I’m late,” KaiZelpher explained. She sighed and decided that now was not probably the best time to launch into the Harli-tells-off-KaiZelpher routine. It took a few trips to get her PC into the car without incident. KaiZelpher’s tower was beastly, taking up half of the available room.
“I’m not going to lie. We’re not going to make the CS:S tournament” He stated matter-of-factly as he pulled out of the driveway 10 minutes later, all gear safely tucked into the boot.
“NO! Think positive. Positive, positive, positive” She chanted, flatly in denial. But even as she spoke, she was very well aware that there was no way they could get there in 20 minutes.
Snifu rang, politely asking where they were.
Her answer was calm. “On our way to yours. Danze and Maltesers are going to meet us at the venue. Be ready”
They managed to get Snifu and his gear without incident, despite the still-pouring rain. It was then that KaiZelpher thought it a good idea to go to McDonalds.
“I haven’t eaten anything!” He protested at Harli’s glare. They pulled into the drive-thru as he reasoned, “Besides, we might as well take our time because we’re not going to make it anyway. I’d rather be alive and have all our stuff safely there”
As KaiZelpher pulled up to the intercom in the drive-thru, Danze rang again.
“Where are you guys? And where is this thing being held?” He asked.
“We’re on our way. Probably won’t be there for another 15 minutes. Kai, do you know where he’s supposed to park?” She hit the loudspeaker button and held the phone towards all occupants in the car. Unfortunately, the McDonald’s lady had chosen that same moment to speak through the intercom.
“What happened to ‘I went to Macquarie uni’?” KaiZelpher said loudly so Danze could hear.
“Welcome to McDonalds, what would you like today?” The Macca’s service person announced at the same time.
“Shut up Kai,” Danze snapped.
“Shit – hang on, you guys want anything?” Kai said. Harli switched off loudspeaker and said to Danze, “Uh, Kai will be a moment. So like, can you guys register us for the Counterstrike tourney?”
“Where’s my wallet!” Kai was shouting in the background. Harli pulled her own wallet out and offered it to Kai as a substitute.
The voice on the other end of the line was new. “Hello? This isn’t Danze”
“Thanks – oh wait, this isn’t my wallet!” Kai exclaimed to Harli, who wasn’t quite listening.
“Oh, hello Maltesers. Could you guys please register us for the Counterstrike tournament whilst you’re there? We’ll be there in 15 minutes” She spoke clearly, ignoring Kai.
“Sure. Hang on, Danze wants to talk…”
There was a muffle as the phone was handed back to Danze.
“Don’t worry, I found a parking spot. Some dodgy street parking in the back”
“Dodgy street parking in the back?” Harli repeated incredulously.
Kai swore and asked, “What is he talking about?”
“Don’t worry,” Harli assured, and turned back to her phone, “We’ll see you guys soon. Register us”
It was a little concerning the way KaiZelpher drove, one hand on the steering wheel and another on his burger.
“Dude, are you sure you don’t want me to drive? At least you can eat properly” Harli offered. Mouthful of food, Kai shook his head in the negative and successfully sprayed wilted lettuce over the handbrake.
Many swear words and buckets of rain later, they were almost at their destination when another obstacle struck.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Harli seethed in the passenger seat, “Roadwork? At this time?” She cursed.
“He’s holding a stop sign. What do you want me to do, run him over?” KaiZelpher said, scoffing down the remainder of his fries.
They sat immobile for a few minutes. It was approximately 1:10pm – the tournament was supposed to have started ten minutes ago. They were finally let through moments later.
“Oh my god, it’s clear! GO GO GO!” Harli triumphantly pointed to the man directing their car forward.
“The sign says SLOW you idiot,” Kai reminded her. They exited the roadwork zone without much more delay and their destination finally came into view.
“So close, yet so far,” Harli whimpered. At least the rain had eased up. Fortunately Kai was familiar with the venue and brought them to the location quite quickly, where Danze and Maltesers were waiting.
“You guys got Maccas?! Bastards!” Maltesers exclaimed at the sight of Harli hopping out of the car with a crumpled McDonald’s bag in her hand.
She grimaced, “Ugh, no. Just Kai. Are we ready to roll?” They were twenty minutes late.
“Yeah, I registered us already” Maltesers affirmed. Harli nodded and shot a look at Danze.
“Have you unpacked your gear?” She asked.
“No, we were waiting for you,” He replied.
“Alright, let’s all get our stuff in first”
Everybody proceeded to gather their respective equipment. It would take a few trips to set it all up, delaying them even more. However, as Harli approached the entrance doors of the venue it became apparent that a lot of participants had just arrived and were still setting up. It was likely that the tournament had not begun yet.
With a sigh of relief, she approached the sign up desk, the tower hugged carefully in her arms like a baby.
They had made it on time.